One of the most common issues that my clients face at the beginning of their coaching journey is the showing up of their one or more most powerful and debilitating saboteur/s. You see it takes a degree of courage to take on any meaningful and significant change or direction and one way to help with that is to hire a coach, get coached so that they could be better, more connected, get help in a transformative way, to be present and mindful in the here and now and more and get to your desires faster. But then, out of the blue this powerful and logical, rational voice/voices both internal and external penetrated your decision to do something good for yourself and took you off course, allowing these alternatives to stop you in your tracks. Furthermore, you gave it a chance to play around with fear, emotions and practicalities and plant doubts- lack of time, money, other priorities and duties as some examples. The complete opposite of what you needed and deserve which was to start and continue with your plans and goals whilst being championed and encouraged and to big up your determination and strength. Instead, it left you lost again, searching with even a larger void.
Can you relate to this in any way?
So what is this sabotage that I am really talking about? Is it even that big a deal?
This invisible impediment that regularly blocks your path, comes from nowhere and at the most unexpected time. You are not really aware of it fully, it just gets triggered when you trying to live your best life or make a significant and meaningful change in your life. It can literally stop you in your tracks. You can be convinced about doing something and yet your actions go against that. Have you ever wondered why?
This powerful force within you can be even more powerful than your conscious self even when you are your best, if you let it, so managing it, is essential If you to want to live your dream life and progress. Some people are at their best living their dream, but they may feel they don’t deserve it and feel very much like an imposter- that too is your saboteur talking and making you feel inadequate in a way.
Well, for a moment, I invite you to think about and reflect on something you have really wanted for yourself and then you find yourself talking yourself or letting someone else talk you out of it. I mean we listen to our close circle of friends and family, and we are taught to trust them and that they mean well to us and yes in most cases that is true but that’s also where saboteurs hide in disguise, ready to pounce on you through their own fears and beliefs. They are invested in keeping things just the same way- mostly unconsciously, of course, making sure that you don’t leave them behind! Whoever it is, whatever the circumstances, it is important to bring all of this into your awareness, so you are in charge and create strategies for how to manage yourself and your dreams, ambitions, and changes in life in a way that takes you progressively further and closer to your heart’s desires. Whatever manner or format your saboteurs show up is a great point to become aware of them fully and respond to them in a way that does not stop you from doing what you know is right for you at that time or for your next chapter. Remember the saboteur could be a little or a loud voice or opinion, a way of justifying that the next bit in your life is uncertain, risky, and full of potential challenges, whatever it is getting help to manage these saboteurs is a good thing or you could find yourself as my clients once did in that they could not get past something mentally or to move forward in a progressive way. Not on their own, that was for sure!
With most saboteurs, it is frustratingly someone in your close, so talking it with them won’t help, not really. You really need a stranger so to speak someone who knows the difference between resonance and dissonance, someone without an agenda to keep you stuck in a familiar setting, that doesn’t shove the fear of change down your neck again. Many say that it is normal, that they just heard themselves talking stuff through in their minds-eye and did not think much of it because it was their own voice.
They could never understand how influential and persuasive this voice was and how it literally stopped them in their stride. It can even take the sound of the most loving caring voice. It helps you settle for less. It makes you smaller, easy to fit in and be a clone.
Can you relate now?
So reflect again on anything you have really wanted for yourself and you were talked out of it either by your self-talk or by someone who has known that is trusted.
Got something? Now think about what you felt when you decided not to continue with it.
Was it relief, was it an annoyance, was it aliveness or was it dissonance?
What was the feeling, the emotion, immediately? And what about a few days later?
What did you continue thinking about?
You know the thing you really wanted for yourself that you knew in some way would change something that was equally important for you.
The thing you put to one side perhaps to be visited again later when things are right, like time, money, health, motivation?
What other excuses did you use?
I am sure you were convincing, or you were convinced that it was not right to do anymore and for a moment you forgot how right it did feel before your voices or your others got your saboteurs involved in your decision-making.
Well, let me tell you, sabotage is the killer of your dreams especially the dreams and desires that feel within your reach somehow even though you know it’s a long way to them. The kind of dreams that give you meaning and fulfilment in your life and you really believe in that they are part of who you are. In its simplest form, the bigger the dream, the bigger the sabotage if you don’t get help with it. It is the ultimate shape shifter and camouflage to your good intentions and it’s very rational and makes a lot of sense – so clever.
So how about it?
Bulletproof yourself from your saboteurs, stop procrastinating and overthinking, and talking yourself out of your dream life. When you do that, imagine then what is possible for you.
There is a way and that starts with a conversation with me, I will help you clear things up, and get these undesired obstacles out of your way so that you can focus with passion and determination and get onto the road leading to your dreams and ambitions. I will help you create strategies to manage your sabotaging efforts so that they lose their power over you.
I have learned to manage mine with great success.